Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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