Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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