He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
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