I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You can't just leave with hair like that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
