Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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