i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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