Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
