I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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