someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
