At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
