So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
