Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
