who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My ATM looks so different sober.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
