what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
