I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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