the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I could fuck to npr.
I still have a little drunk in my system
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
