the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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