I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
