Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
