i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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