Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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