please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
