I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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