using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
