happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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