Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
