i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
