I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ladies don't puke and tell
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
