Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
