I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
