I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
