Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
