Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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