Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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