i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
