gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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