Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
