its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize