Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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