i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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