obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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