This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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