Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
