Whod you bang
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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