I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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