woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
