plz talk dirty to me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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