im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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