Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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