I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
