i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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