just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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