Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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