Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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