so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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