can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
