I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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