Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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