Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
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If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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