hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
