Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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