she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
