i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
