why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
