i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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